Bush: Thousands Of Registered Democrats Needed For ‘Extremely Important’ Mission

The Onion – America’s Finest News Source
November 1, 2006 Issue 42•44

WASHINGTON, DC—In a televised address to the nation Monday, President Bush announced that the U.S. is in “desperate need of thousands of registered Democrats” to conduct what he called an “extremely important mission” to begin immediately and continue at least until the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November.

Bush lauded the “progressive American heroes” who he says will be vital in carrying out the mission.

“This mission is absolutely vital, for the next week to 10 days will determine the future of our country,” said Bush, who would not reveal what the operation entailed, only to say that it was “highly classified.”

“We are calling on the most stalwart Democrats in the land,” Bush said. “In fact, they are the only ones capable of making it a success.”

Although details were limited, an unnamed administration official revealed that, on Wednesday, November 1, registered Democrats will be asked to report to designated government rendezvous points such as post offices and military recruiting centers. Once there, they will be registered, fingerprinted, and issued one-piece jumpsuits, bedding, and canteens of drinking water, then directed to board brown school buses bound for an undisclosed location or locations.

“Certainly it will mean sacrifice, and possibly a prolonged absence from your families,” Bush said. “We need at least 40,000 Democrats, but more are always welcome.”

“Our very way of life depends on it,” he added.

While Bush said any registered Democrat is eligible to participate, those who reside in Arizona’s Fifth, Ohio’s First, and Pennsylvania’s Eighth Congressional Districts are most needed to ensure the mission’s success. Democrats from New Jersey, Missouri, Tennessee, and “especially Virginia” were also strongly encouraged to volunteer.

Bush also called on the 64 percent of citizens upset with the handling of the situation in Iraq, the 80 percent who think Congress is doing a poor job, and the 63 percent who disapprove of his own job performance as “supremely qualified for the special task.” “

Of course, there’s more HERE.
.onion_embed{ background:rgb(256,256,256)!important;border:4px solid rgb(65,160,65);border-width:4px 0 1px 0;margin:10px 30px!important;padding:5px;overflow:hidden!important;zoom:1;}.onion_embed img{ border:0!important;}.onion_emb”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: