“the King of All Cosmos has a very disturbing crotch”

Sent to me by a friend who’s trying to keep her name off the Internet:

“Alt Text: More ‘Filthy’ Games to Drive Fox News Crazy

Commentary by Lore Sjöberg

Fox News recently ran a report on the full frontal nudity and explicit sex in Mass Effect, a game with no full frontal nudity or explicit sex. The game, as their “expert” admitted after the fact, is somewhat less sexy than Desperate Housewives and somewhat more sexy than Boohbah.

Oh, come on, Auntie is smoking hot.

But the important thing about the Mass Effect controversy, a controversy that was more engineered than the Hoover Dam, is that many of the people involved in criticizing the game are more famous now than they were before. That’s something I can get behind.

So Fox, if you’re reading, here are a number of other videogames with explicit sex scenes and/or other unsavory elements, or so I’d be glad to claim on your network. At the slightest provocation, I will appear on your program and repeatedly interrupt other people in order to describe the innocence-devouring depravity of these amoral games, each of which can be purchased from gum machines by 3-year-olds.

Katamari Damacy

First of all, the King of All Cosmos has a very disturbing crotch. He’s got these tights on and his externals are just wadded up in there like a week’s worth of laundry. Dude just flaunts it, too. Just, just … puts it out there. I think it has its own Flickr account. Also, “Katamari Damacy” translates roughly to “Let Us Each Have Orifice Penetration Nightly.”

— edit —

Geometry Wars

Geometry is math. Math leads to science. Science leads to lies. Thus, Geometry Wars directly indoctrinates our children into the evolutionary lie that we’re all descended from homosexual monkeys. Naked homosexual monkeys. We recommend instead the game Intelligent Design Wars, which is just like Geometry Wars, except that the credits read, “We don’t know who made this. (But it was probably God.)””

Click on the article headline to read the entire column.


One response

  1. Pingback: Geometry Wars

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